Meditation 15: John 6:63-64 (what is real?)

8/25/2009 8:04:17 PM

[Jesus said] “It is the spirit that gives life; the flesh is useless.  The words that I have spoken to you are spirit and life.  But among you there are some who do not believe.”  John 6:63-64

During an earlier reflection and in early journal entries, I talked about our dog Mickey and her loss.  Writing about it and re-reading the journal entries brought that experience back to me in a rush of grief and gratitude for having her in my life.

The dear dog who then came into our lives, our Golden Retriever Chance, is now twelve years old and exhibiting definite signs of decline.  We recently discovered a large tumor on his hind leg that is making it more difficult for him to walk and at times, he is somewhat unsteady on his back legs. Although Chance doesn’t seem to be in pain, we and the vet are monitoring him to make certain he doesn’t suffer.

I know we’re going to lose him soon and my heart is breaking at the thought of saying goodbye.  When you face the loss of someone you love, knowing you’ll see them again doesn’t lessen the pain of letting go.  I wrote the following poem about Chance. 

“The Old Man in My Life”

He ambles slowly through the yard,

his once brisk gait now measured steps.

Pausing, he tentatively looks around,

uncertain if he heard my voice

or whispers of sounds long forgotten.

Nighttime descends…it will not be stopped.

I see this truth clearly now.

Gathering that large, furry body close,

exaltation pierces my soul.

You!  You I have known.

For a brief moment

our stories intertwined

and I was privileged to share

this earth with you.

My dear companion and friend,

how can I bear to release you?

My heart is already overwhelmed with grief.

I simply cannot fathom

that space beside me on the sofa,

empty of your warmth.

The pain is deep but deeper still

is unrelenting gratitude for the blessing of you.

The promise I hold closest to my heart

is the promise life cannot be extinguished.

You and I will sit comfortably together again

and then, my faithful friend,

our joy will be complete.

I believe that life flows into life and Chance won’t ever be fully separated from me.  We are all connected in a way that is hard for us to comprehend most of the time because we still live in this very physical world.  What we see and touch are the very things we focus on and the things we dread to lose.  Yet there is a far deeper dimension to life—a spiritual, mystical reality—that helps us understand that although this life has tremendous purpose, it is not, as philosophers would say, the really real.

When we live without a sense of the spiritual, we become fixated on the physical.  The more we focus on our physical life, the more fearful we become.  We fear the world being out of control, we fear being able to ensure our daily survival, we fear losing those things that help make our lives meaningful and give us a sense of place in the world.

To fully live, we must live in present time.  We must let go of what was and not anticipate what might be.  The past is gone and the future not yet created, and when it comes into being, it will be the present time.  I prepare for Chance’s loss but I do so standing in the present time, not immersing myself in grief as though his loss has already taken place.  Were I to do that, I would miss this precious present time, when Chance is still with me.

To live fully in the present is to be conscious of our spiritual selves, and the deep connection we have to God.  This is the only thing that gives life meaning.  We don’t just believe; we know absolutely that we are part of Life and this physical world is not the end of our story.

God of grace, in this world my vision is limited.  I see life but I also see loss.  I need to know the life I have here isn’t the end of my journey.  Flood my soul with Divine light and love, and teach me to listen into the silence, where I hear your voice most clearly.

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