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Reflection 8 - Uncluttering the Spaces

8/25/2009 7:47:49 PM

I am learning that my surroundings (i.e., my home) often reflect my inner state. For years as I’ve experienced mid-life crisis, certain rooms became as cluttered and confused as I felt. Papers and books I meant to read piled up in inconvenient places. My portable dishwasher became difficult to move with the weight of dirty dishes within and things I can’t quite decide where to put accumulating on the top.

For a good, long time in my life, piled books and papers spoke of possibilities and a comfortable, lived-in home. Somehow, though, the papers usually covered up the books and my good intentions, and wasted precious hours of time as many little tasks converged to one overwhelming ‘why did I let it get to this point’ all day chore.

Our dining room table (the only table we have), is a beautiful antique drop leaf, with a leg underneath that swings out to support the very large drop leaf that almost touches the floor. When the table top is visible, it’s a thing of beauty. It inspires me to sit there awhile, taking time with food and reflection, for the leisurely nourishment of my body and soul. When I walk in the door and see that table cleared of grocery coupons and mail, it serves as a powerful reminder that the path I walk is taking me deeper and deeper into the quiet places of my soul.

I have slowly been coming to realize how important it is that the outside environment mirrors the reality that now resides within. So this weekend was one of uncluttering.

Part of that task took me to my closet; it felt like the right time to sort through and give away those things that were no longer ‘me.’ Working with determination (I’ve not worn that in years; let it go!), I neatly folded clothes and placed them carefully in a bag that would make its way to the local rescue mission. As I neared the end of this task, I pulled out a shirt from the back of the closet, an old favorite of mine, and suddenly found myself crying.

“What on earth is this about?” I wondered. Tears triggered that unexpectedly mean something, and I knew it was important to figure it out. I asked myself: what does this shirt represent to me? I thought, then, of a simpler time in my life when things seemed to be less complex and I had more answers to life’s questions. Now, more often than not, I hold more questions than answers, and I know the answers I seek can’t be as clear and simple as I once thought.

Looking backwards to a simpler time can be deceiving. When I was actually living through that time it wasn’t simple at all. It was as challenging, painful and wonderful as life ever is. Life, I think, only seems simpler from a distance.

Judging from this reaction, I am still between the world as it use to be and the world as it is becoming, part of me in each. But it’s also true that with every passing moment, the movement of life flows forward and more of the old world is being remade. In order for this to happen, however, I must unclutter the spaces of my heart and make room for what will be given me: for the seeds of new insights and understanding and hope that stream from God’s heart straight into mine.